Well, this story began in a sunny day. I went to school as usual. After the class in afternoon, I and some of my friends decided to go to Sun Moon Lake by motorcycle.
Before we went to Sun Moon Lake, we went to have a lunch, after having lunch, we started our trip to Sun Moon Lake. It was very windy on the way there As a result of the windy road we slowed down our speed and focused on the road.
On the way there, we also enjoyed the beautiful scenery. We saw trees, rivers, and mountains. Suddenly, however, the worst thing happened. I was about to make a turn but I didn't notice that there were some oil leaks on the road. At the moment, I wanted to dodge the oil but was too late. I rode over the oil and my motorcycle and I was sloped away. After I sloped, I stood up to check if I got any hurt. I felt my gauze mask was wet. When I took off that I found nothing but blood. My chin was torn about five cm long. Everybody was shocked at the sight. My friend took me to the hospital quickly. I was sent to hospital by 120㎞ an hour, because he was worried about me so that he rode so fast. When I got the hospital, my chin was seamed about five needles and many places was grazed.
After this accident, I feel so shock and I will ride more carefully to reduce the damage.
Hey, Robert,
回覆刪除Sorry for what happened to you, but... I'm glad I finally learned how the accident happened and how you got five stiches on your face. (Don't be sad, though, scars make a man look more cool.)
time order words用得很好,來龍去脈交代的很清楚, 但是標點符號跟斷句要再求正確
其他建議如下
1. Well, this story is begun in a sunny day. I went to school as usual.
==>is begun有文法錯誤
2. After the class in afternoon, I and some of my friends decided to go to Sun Moon Lake by motorcycle.
==>in the afternoon
==>some friends and I decided...
日月潭有這麼近嗎?
3. Before we went to Sun Moon Lake we went to have a lunch, after having lunch we stared our trip to Sun Moon Lake.
==>Before we went to Sun Moon Lake 逗號 we had lunch句號 After lunch逗號 we started...
==>stared拼錯
4. There are so many winding roads on the way to our destination.
==>are時態錯誤
==>整句改: It was very windy on the way there.
(前面已交代很清楚要去日月潭, 所以寫there就是目的地了, 不用再寫出目的地)
6. As a result of that we slowed down our speed and focused on the road.
==>As a result of that在這裡並不是很清楚的解釋為什麼妳們慢下來, 請交代清楚
7. Among the way to or destination there are also beautiful scenery, the tree, the river and the mountain.
==> 這一句的主詞我建議你用we來寫, 寫出你們看到的東西, 所以: On the way there, we also enjoyed the beautiful scenery. We saw trees, rivers, and mountains.
8. Suddenly, the worst thing happened.
需要一個however來加強轉折
Suddenly, however, the worst thing happened.
9. When I road a motorcycle had to make a turn, I did not realize that there are some oil leak out from the car.
==>I was about to make a turn but I didn't notice that there were some oil leaks on the road.
10. I road over the oil and my motorcycle and I was sloped away.
==>road拼錯
11. After I sloped, I stood up to check if I got any hurt. I felt my gauze mask was wet, but when I took off that I found nothing but blood. My chin was torn about five cm long.
==>這裡的but不要。When直接另成一句
==>did it hurt?
12. Everybody was shock by the sight.
==>shocked
==>at the sight.
13. My friend took me to the hospital quickly. I was sent to hospital by 120㎞ an hour, because he was worried about me so that he rode so fast.
==>(120km an hour? Thank God there was not another accident. )
14. When I got the hospital my chin was seamed about five needles and many places was grazed.
==>少了個標點符號
15. After this accident I feel so shock and I will ride more carefully to reduce the damage.
==>After this accident逗號
==>Good. Better safe than sorry.
可愛的小天使~~~支持你~~~.................................................................
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